For some, the pumpkin spice latte is life. For us, the literal pumpkin is life—specifically, the first year of life as a parent.
Have you seen this weird internet trend: Halloween pumpkins giving birth? Apparently it’s a thing. So, obviously we decided to illustrate the joys of parenthood through, well, pumpkins. Welcome to the strangest article ever written.
1. Remember the good old days, when you were just two sexy kids (with no kids)?
Photo: Instructables
2. Then you pee on a stick and…oh, yeah, it’s on.
Photo: Pumpkin Gutter
3. Once the barfing subsides, you’re ready to share the news with the world.
Photo: Happenings of our Home
4. Bonus: Your besties are pregnant, too! #squadgoals
Photo: Mark Jordan
5. When you try to get some rest, inside your baby be like:
6. Are those Braxton Hicks or the real thing? Better call the midwife, girl!
Photo: Marking our Territory
7. Remember how you worried about having your hair and make up done for the hospital? Hahaha, that was funny. But you still looked great, promise.
Photo: Pinterest
8. Thankfully you remembered your chic silk scarf and earrings.
Photo: Pinterest
9. And a pedicure.
Photo: The 611 Man
10. Oh, that’s for sure broken forever.
Photo: Pinterest
11. Is the F*!@ING baby coming out sideways?!?!
Photo: Easyday
12. Emergency C-section? But what about my birth plan?
Photo: Charleston Daily Photo
13. I can’t believe it—we did it! He’s perfect!
Photo: Contracept.org
14. Oh sh*t. Now what?
Photo: Contracept.org
15. How much poop can one baby even have?
Photo: Pinterest
16. Aaaaaaand, I have no nipples. Just raw gaping wounds. Cool.
Photo: Mommyish
17. Let’s try the pump, maybe?
Photo: Pinterest
18. I’m so over pumping all the time, and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s any better.
Photo: @madeline_annn via Instagram
19. I’m so glad we bought the expensive crib to hold all the new adorable outfits that only fit for three days.
Photo: iStockphoto
20. Look at us rocking parenting and meal planning like total pros. Wait, why is her eye twitching?
Photo: Happy Home Fairy
21. Some days you answer the door looking just like this.
Photo: Dalai Lina
22. Hey, check me out. This breastfeeding thing is getting a little easier—and I had time to do my hair!
Photo: Pinterest
23. But my house looks like this. Mat leave was supposed to be all about organizing and batch cooking, right? RIGHT?
24. HAS ANYONE FED THE F*!$#ING DOG TODAY?!?!?!?
25. What other families look like on Instagram:
Photo: The House that Lars Built
26. Meanwhile, you’re trying to get someone (anyone!) to look at the camera.
Photo: Dalai Lina
27. The division of labour is going exactly as planned. We are a great team!
Photo: The Twist
28. Oh look, he’s crawling now. He literally never stops moving. Where the heck is that baby gate?! #fml
29. He starts daycare and you have some time to chill before mat leave ends. NOPE. Now he’s got a new virus every third day. It’s cool to call in sick your first day back to work, right?
Photo: Somewhat Simple
30. Those last 12 months weren’t that bad, maybe we should try again? Honey?
Photo: shutterstock
31.We’ve totally got this. What could possibly surprise us the second time around?
Photo: Joe Farrier